It was a gorgeous March Saturday in Chicago, celebrating my BFF’s birthday. We ran a 5K, brunched with bloody marys, took in some March Madness (at a bar, of course) and wound up at a different bar for some karaoke. All by 3 p.m.
Kidless and carefree, we were lots of drinks in and having a great time. My guy even switched to double Jack & Cokes at some point because he felt badly that the server was making so many trips to our table for refills.
But around 6 p.m. when I made eye contact with my husband, I noticed he looked a little dazed. And pale.
“You O.K.?” I shouted over someone’s blaring rendition of Hit Me Baby, One More Time.
“I don’t know,” he responded. Then he ordered “a round of waters.”
It was time. I got our friend’s house key and alarm code, then stumbled to the corner and into a cab.
We slid into the back seat (it couldn’t have been graceful) – him on the passenger side and me behind the driver. What’s better than being well over your alcohol limit and watching THE FOOD NETWORK on the back of a seat, in a moving cab on the busy streets of the Windy City? I watched my date take a deep breath and swallow hard.
Wellll shit, I thought.
A minute or two later, he grabbed my thigh. When I looked over, his cheeks were puffed out and his eyes huge.
“You need to pull over!” I told the driver urgently. “He’s going to get sick!”
It all happened quite flawlessly. I was drunk and laughing my ass off. But don’t worry… I snapped a quick pic.
“Damn. I feel so much better!” my husband giggled.
“You’re a train wreck,” I replied, laughing through my words.
A few blocks after that, I got him up four flights of stairs and onto our friend’s couch.
Trash can? CHECK.
Pizza in the oven? CHECK.
Being the thoughtful human being he is, my husband apologized profusely for “ruining the day” and “spoiling” my friend’s birthday.
2010 Kelli would have been TICKED. And she wouldn’t have hid it well.
But 2017 Kelli with 3 toddlers, an insane schedule and a little more perspective on life simply said, “Babe. Really. It’s 6 p.m. On a Saturday night. We drank all day. And now we’re watching TV on a couch with no kids up our ass. I swear to you. I am so good right now.”
I also assured him that if he hadn’t tossed his cookies, I probably would have been the sick one a couple hours later. He did me a favor.
We eventually went to bed and both woke up the next morning feeling fabulous. That, my friends, is a success. It’s also why I prefer to day drink.
Why start at 8, 9 or even 10 p.m., when you can be home and in bed by then? Seriously. We are old. And bar music gets so loud at night. Damn, I am OLD. And tired.
My dad has always said, “Nothing good happens after midnight,” and you know what? He is so right. Hangovers happen after midnight, people. HANGOVERS!
Have you ever tried making your kids breakfast while simultaneously puking into the sink? It ain’t fun, folks. Also, day drinking makes the 6:30 a.m. ‘I want you to play with me, Mommy,’ so much more bearable. These are tried and true #momlife scenarios.
Then there’s the day drink, nap and rally scenario. I’ve done this a time or two and it can also be a success.
Last summer, hubs and I visited friends in Minnesota. We spent a lovely Saturday afternoon out on the town – drinking on a ferris wheel at some hipster/old-fashioned restaurant in Minneapolis, then met up with college friends of mine (she was pregnant and clearly expected nothing less than for me to be inebriated at 2:30 in the afternoon).
After that, we hit a convenience store for some munchies (I obnoxiously referred to our friend John as ‘Dad’ as we drunkenly wandered the aisles, giggling and grabbing samples from the sweet sample ladies). But back at our friend’s house a little bit later, I became so relaxed that I took a little 7 p.m. snooze in the hot tub and woke up at 7:45 feeling like a new damn woman. I was ready to drink some more and go somewhere. Ready to be the life of the party! But instead, I just went to bed. I didn’t get sick though! Isn’t that what old people do?
There’s also the drinking at work scene. I work in marketing in the restaurant industry. My job sometimes requires sampling alcohol. So there I was, with our liquor rep and our corporate chef on a Friday afternoon, taking two, three, yeah, I need just one more to be sure… swigs of new cocktail recipes. I didn’t intend to get a little buzz. It just kinda happened. And no one even knew. I also stopped drinking as soon as I realized it was all going to my head. But 3 p.m. = day drinking = more control over one’s actions. Completely acceptable in my world.
Lots of my mom friends “unwind” at night with a glass (or three) of their favorite wine. I hear all kinds of buzz words about how it’s so relaxing, and helps them sleep better, or relieves stress.
I’d rather eat my feeli.... er, uh, I mean, calories than drink them. I have a workout or work waiting for me shortly after my alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. How am I supposed to function and actually be nice to people after drinking wine the night before?
If you are a night drinker, that’s totally fine. You do you. I’ll do me.
Rosé all day, baby.
Ok, that’s a lie. I typically drink flavored vodka and water (just not at night).
In All Seriousness... I am, by choice, a social drinker. I maybe consume alcohol once or twice each month, if that. If you are concerned about a loved one's alcohol consumption or your own, there are resources available.
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
Al-Anon Family Groups
1–888–425–2666 for meetings
Adult Children of Alcoholics
I'm a mom to 3 beautiful, spirited, elementary school-aged humans, I'm addicted to running + strength training, I have no filter & I work full time in the corporate world. But behind the scenes of all that is where it really gets interesting...