Dear Newslady, It’s been one of those nights. A night when I’m hit hard by the fact that you’re gone; and the selfish, violent, senseless way you were taken away just doesn’t seem real. You fought and won so many brave battles. To survive breast cancer, a horrific car accident and other trials, but die at the hands of a man who vowed to love you forever? It’s just not fair. The realization that you’ve been gone almost six months is a strange feeling. I know from talking with others and stalking your Facebook page that I’m not the only one who has moments when the sadness and tears seem to come out of nowhere. I had a work event tonight in St. Joe – not too far from your house. I thought about you as I passed the entrance to your neighborhood. Almost turned down the street, just because. During a conversation at the event I randomly asked some of our guests (after they told me they lived in St. Joe) if they knew you. Of course they knew OF you. Of course. Doesn’t everyone in that small town? You’re a legend… in the most awesome way possible. Anyway, one of them – I didn’t think to catch her name – gave me the best news about your babies, Regan, Reece and Kaden. It sounds like they are doing so great, Mama. They have an incredible support system and they are being wrapped in so much love. The same kind of love you showed every single person you met. I had tears in my eyes as this woman described the community of strength and happiness embracing your kids. It’s amazing. They are in such wonderful, capable hands… but you already know that. I also shared some stories about you with this woman – how our photographers at the TV station used to say they "got Bohned" when your scripts always came in last minute. I mean, come on. You sometimes gave those guys 15 minutes to edit the lead story for the 5 o’clock news. That’s insanity. No other reporters were brave enough to do that. You were that good though. Good with people, good at getting the story, good at making us laugh. You also drove some of those photographers nutso in the car. Did you know that? Always on the phone with your “Komen People” or supporting a friend battling the same disease you conquered so fiercely… Octobers were THE. WORST. Well, for the photographers anyway. For you? October was your month. You worked your little pink tutu tushy off all year, raising money for breast cancer research and also supporting women who battled breast cancer, but October was the peak. You wore as much pink to work as you possibly could – coats, shoes, purses, lipstick – and you wore it with pride. You were amazing. You never stopped (you even drove fast with those vanity license plates... letting everyone know they were being passed by the "NEWSLDY"). I remember you telling me you woke up at 2 or 3 a.m. most days to do your volunteer or Susan G. Komen work while your house was quiet. Then you got the kids out the door for school and then went to work at your real job. How in the world did you do all that? You were there for your babies every second they needed you, but you were there for everyone else who needed you too. In the midst of all that though, very few of us knew what was happening behind the scenes. You didn’t open up to many people about the pain you kept tucked away behind your brilliant smile. Those you did tell never could have predicted the outcome. You and I were pals – former colleagues who still sent a text message every once in a while to check in. Our last exchange was two weeks before you died. I’m separated but it’s a good thing, you typed. Should I have asked more questions? Should I have dropped what I was doing and called? Those thoughts never crossed my mind. You were being so... DENISE about it. …it’s a good thing, you told me. It WAS a good thing. My strong friend who had survived so much was making strides toward a better life for her and her kids. Right now I’m seeing lots of social media reminders about the important work you did to raise money for breast cancer research. You must be so freaking proud of these people carrying on your legacy. They haven’t stopped… but why would they? These people learned from the best. It’s incredible to see. There is one conversation though, that I’m NOT hearing in our communities… the other “awareness” we’re supposed to raise in October. This is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month, represented by the color purple. That’s a big deal. It matters that you beat one incredible set of odds in your 30s, then became a different kind of statistic at 45. You were arguably one of the strongest, most determined people I've ever met. But it happened to you. I did some digging a few hours after I got the phone call telling me you were gone. I learned you’d reached out to a trusted friend for advice about how to handle some of your concerns at home. But you didn’t technically ‘cry out for help.’ The warning signs didn’t seem to be there. What if we gave domestic violence the kind of attention we give breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and research? Could somebody have saved you? So many of us – including you – thought your purpose in life was to be that crazy woman in pink who unselfishly gave so much to everyone else. But what if there’s more to it? Maybe it’s time to weave some purple into that conversation when we talk about Denise Bohn, and start talking about the warning signs to help other women who are trying to break that same cycle you were so carefully planning to escape. More lives can be saved because of you. I know it. We love you, sweet Newslady. May you rest in pink and peace – finally free from your pain. SAFETY ALERT: If you are in danger call 911. Or reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. Safety tips from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. DENISE BOHN-STEWART January 27, 1971 - April 19, 2016
15 Comments
Miki
10/6/2016 07:53:34 am
As a women who was 1 in 4 I can say domestic violence is a battle you most always fight alone and in your own prison. I remember the last time I was choked and hit, I remember the last call from the police that he was found at my home with a gun and I remember the fear I lived in after I left. I have promised to walkways he open with my story and to empower with women with it so that they get out. The best thing we can do is be open about the silent prison and to empower women. Because the largest tool an abuser uses is to make their victim feel worthless. Thankfully I know my worth now. I know who I was made to be and who God says I am. So I refuse to allow a man to make me a 1 in 4 ever again. Prayers for Denise children. Thank you for your blog it was beautifully written and although I didn't know Denise I know many women who did. She truly seemed to light up our community and when she was gone we were the city that mourned.
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Julie A. Bachman
10/6/2016 09:05:21 pm
Kelli, thank you to this tribute to Denise. I, like Carla Ruppert where life long best friends with Denise. Your words where so true about Denise. She was strong, brave and fearless. I hate the thought of losing her to domestic violence because she overcame so many things in her life (Cancer, Auto Accident). You're right though, attention needs to be as fierce as it is for breast cancer this month and every month!! Thanks again for sharing this!! As a life long friend of hers, I truly appreciate it!!
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Carla ruppert
10/6/2016 09:01:29 am
What a wonderful tribute. Denise was a friend since childhood and your words gave me comfort today as I'm sure it did many others....
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Tammy G.
10/6/2016 09:08:49 am
Thank you for sharing this with us. I knew Denise since we were 13, and she had been on my mind so much lately, with it being October. My work now has me looking into breast cancer history and encouraging mammograms and I wonder if she nudged me to make that change. She is greatly missed and so part of me will never be the same for having known her. As she said, It's a good thing.
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Robyn Karkiewicz
10/6/2016 10:40:10 am
What a wonderful tribute! I did not know Denise but she sounds like a fantastic person and those that knew her were blessed. I am a breast cancer survivor as well and I agree we should intertwine the pink and the purple!
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Thank you for an amazing tribute to my dear friend and former colleague, Denise Bohn. This absolutely was her month year in and year out...and October will always be Pinktober to those of us who knew her. I hope friends and supporters of Denise will join us live tomorrow morning, Friday, October 7th, at City Plumbing & Heating in downtown St. Joseph and throw some cash into the pink toilets in the window so we can Flush Out Cancer. It was her idea...and it was a huge success like everything she touched. Help her legacy to survive forever. GREAT story...and thank you so much for sharing!
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Cathy Raven
10/6/2016 11:56:46 am
Never knew this beautiful lady. You sharing her story of amazing strength helps those that did know her keep their memories alive. Glad to hear her children are doing well. Faith, Hope & Love ... The greatest of these is LOVE! Thanks for this loving story honoring her!!
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Pam Ogren
10/6/2016 12:37:27 pm
Beautifully said ...... both are tough battles
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Diane
10/6/2016 02:23:08 pm
Very nicely written! I do miss Denise. Can't tell you how many times I've caught myself saying oooo I have to tell Denise about that. Or Denise would love that. Or that could be used for one of Denise's events. She may be gone but she has definitely left an indelible impression on me and so many others in this community.
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Melissa Brown
10/6/2016 03:54:47 pm
What a great tribute to Denise! We were longtime friends since grade school and i miss her and think about her often, especially this month! Thanks so much!
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Jean Lewis
10/6/2016 05:53:38 pm
Thank You so much for your wonderful letter to Denise. I worked at Dairy Queen when her kids were little and she was battling Breast Cancer. She was a very reserved lady to say it mildly. But she was also the most caring person i had ever met. When i returned to MSU she continued to be an encouraging supporter, with kind words always. Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter to the Newslady! Rest in Peace our sweet Angel Denise!
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Terri
10/6/2016 05:58:17 pm
Thank you so much for this beautiful piece, I was meant to see this,my daughter goes through this an won't leave,she thinks she can change him, I'm going to send this to her...rank you again
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Penny
10/6/2016 06:17:44 pm
What a beautifully written tribute to an awesome person gone way too soon. I can't imagine losing such a wonderful friend. This says so much about the two of you. Hugs to you!
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Jackie Toweson
10/6/2016 07:03:05 pm
Denise was one of the kindest most compassionate people I knew. When she was in the middle of her chemo treatment she found time to make sure my son, Ronnie was able to attend the "PROM" for special needs people. Miss her so much.
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Barbara Grefig Egan
10/6/2016 09:00:23 pm
I got to know Denise through my wonderful friends Connie & Jim Bohn.
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AuthorI'm a mom to 3 beautiful, spirited, tiny humans, I'm addicted to running + barre, I have no filter & I work full time in the corporate world. But behind the scenes of all that is where it really gets interesting... Archives
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